Sylvie Shene - About Me - After the Breakup

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ABOUT ME - AFTER THE BREAKUP

What could have been worse than coming to the end of the only career I ever had, losing my house, everything I ever owned, and losing the person I loved the most in my life? Had I not lost everything I ever owned, had I been able to continue with this career, and continue being with this person, would I have faced my painful truth and become honest with myself? Coming to America, getting a fun career making a lot of money, and being with this person was an amazing gift, an opportunity of a lifetime. It felt like speeding along on a highway.

Then one day when I thought I was getting closer to this person, it felt like someone opened the back door of the car and kicked me out. Suddenly I found myself standing on the side of the road all alone, watching a cloud of dust.

Once you are hooked on illusions, you are not capable of being in reality and seeing the truth. It's not necessary to see the truth. Nobody cares! Just keep feeding everyone’s illusions. Money was not a problem because I used to earn good money dancing. There was no need to face reality.

But facing our truth and being in reality is the greatest gift we can give ourselves as human beings, to be honest with ourselves, to tune into our feelings and truly look at reality. When the dancing business kept slowing down, and the money stopped coming in like it used to, I was forced to face the illusions – and slowly start to face and feel my painful truth. I stopped enabling his illusions and I kept focus on myself. I started to search for a new career to carry me financially. We kept seeing each other, even though he was not facing his illusions, until he met a new girl. Eckhart Tolle in his book The Power of Now says, “If you become a conscious person, your partner cannot stay with you and remain unconscious.” So he went out and found another unconscious girl to be with. If I hadn't been dumped off, would I have been able to face my reality? Instead I was forced to come back to earth, to stop hoping that this person was going to start facing his illusions, and slowly start to face and feel his painful truth.

As quickly as it all came, it was all over. I was no longer in this person's life, and I no longer had the money. The dancing career was over, and suddenly this person no longer wanted me in his life. This event caused me to regress to the state of child. Of course, being in a child state, I was not able to properly take care of myself financially or any other way. I was powerless. This was the lowest point of my life since I started this process. He wanted a younger looking girl that fit his image better. I felt ostracized, hurt, and shut out, just like I use to feel in my family of origin - disappointed that I believed I had been working toward a “real” relationship. I had not understood that image was the most important thing for him, his friends and family. I had been so naive, and like a child, I got confused and took it personally.

Today, four years later, I am grateful. If I hadn't lost everything, I never would have had to let go of the illusions and face my truth. It's an ongoing journey that has brought, and continues to bring me, peace of mind, serenity, and happiness with the new life I am creating. I'm not talking about the success of making lots of money again. I'm talking about the emotional work that helped me find the self-esteem to live in my truth.

After the breakup starts the second part of my life's journey. It helped me find clarity from a childhood of confusion, a childhood riddled with pain caused by living with an emotionally ill family, and with very controlling, manipulative sisters.

Growing up with an emotionally ill family affected who I was, who I became, and who I am today, even though I never had problems with alcohol or drugs myself. It stripped away my self-esteem. When I was a child, my older sisters told me over and over that I was "not good for anything, I was the shame of the family, hopeless, worthless, nothing', a zero on the left!" Somewhere along the line, I began to believe them. My father was too wounded and numb with alcohol. My mother was also too wounded and codependent. They could not protect me; my sisters were so much bigger than I was. The oldest sister is twenty-five years older than I am; I had no choice but to believe them. They were the first teachers to whom I gave power over my life.

Today I see all experiences as opportunities to help us become conscious. Everything that has happened to me has been a lesson. A wasted life is one in which the lessons are not learned.

I achieved freedom from the emotional prison I was born into, and that is my proudest achievement.

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