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ARTICLES: CODEPENDENCY

By Gina C. McClain

University Missouri - Kansas City

Many times a couple experiencing sexual problems may have much bigger problems at hand. Sexual problems may merely be a symptom of a much larger relationship issue. That larger relationship problem could be codependency.

Codependency is not a word you would find in many dictionaries, nor is it a concept that is easy to define. Codependency has been described as an addiction, a disease, learned behaviors, a psychosocial condition, and a personality disorder. The term has been widely applied to define spouses of chemically dependent or other wise dysfunctional persons. More generally, codependency has been applied to individuals who suffer from constantly focusing on the needs and behaviors of others. Many professionals argue that individuals addicted to alcohol, work, food, sex, and shopping all suffer from the malady of codependency. Codependent individuals become so preoccupied and focused on the needs of others that they neglect their own needs. Some authors even argue that codependency is the most common of all addictions. Is it possible that under every addiction lies elements of codependency? There are numerous definitions of codependency, and experts in the field do not agree on any specific definitions.

Perhaps the reason codependency is hard to define is due to the fact that the term has emerged within recent history. Originally codependency was aimed to describe family members and spouses of chemically dependent individuals. Today the term is used more generally. Codependency refers to maladaptive behavior that results from stressful preoccupation with another individual’s life. Without treatment, codependency leads to dysfunctional relationships.

Due to the broad definition of codependency, identifying a Codependent individual can be a chore. Some common characteristics of codependency are as follows:

· Care taking

· Low self esteem

· Repression

· Obsession

· Controlling

· Denial

· Dependent

· Poor communicators

· Establish weak boundaries

· Lack of trust

· Anger

· Sexual problems

Some of these common characteristics are so broad that it can be argued that in one aspect or another nearly everyone could be codependent. Relationship difficulties are often a result of codependency. Codependency is a progressive disorder, but even in advanced stages it is important to remember that codependency is treatable.

Codependency has a tendency to mask itself through characteristic personality roles. Many codependents portray one or a combination of the following roles:

· Rescuers

· Fixers

· People pleasers

· Overachievers

· Failures

· Perfectionists

· Victims

· Martyrs

· Addicted ones

· Compulsive ones

· Grandiose ones

· Selfish ones

· Bullies

· Abusers

· Lost children

· Comedians

When a codependent individual takes on these roles it is due to loss of the true self. Care taking, refusing food, acting out sexually, workaholism, power control, nicotine, alcohol, or drugs can all be compulsive medicators of codependency. In summary, codependency can be expressed through a number of roles for numerous reasons.

Codependency can be viewed as an illness with both psychological and physical implications. Certain psychological disorders are often associated with codependency. Some of these disorders include avoidant personality disorder, dependent personality disorder, obsessive compulsive personality disorder, mixed personality disorder, dysthymic disorder, anxiety disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, and addictive disorders. Recognizing the disorders that are often associated with codependency are important in diagnosis.

Physical illnesses may start to emerge during middle and advanced stages of codependency. Many codependents experience insomnia, heart arrtythmia, sexual dysfunction, self-neglect, fatigue, suppressed immune functioning, and headaches. In later stages of codependency individual may feel lethargic, depressed, or experience an eating disorder. The ramifications of codependency go beyond psychological symptoms.

These are three main approaches to treating codependency: self-help, group therapy, and individual psychotherapy. Numerous codependency self help books are available at local bookstores, some of which are more comprehensive and current than others. In addition, the formation of self help groups orientated towards assisting codependents in their recovery have been established. These meeting are usually free of charge and last about one hour. One of the more popular self-help groups is Codependents Anonymous. This group participates in a twelve-step program that seems to have successful results.

Group therapy is also a popular treatment approach. The ideal size of a group participating in this type of therapy is about eight or nine. Weekly fees are usually a part of group therapy and the fee ranges from a sliding scale to fees that are consistent with community standards. Individuals planning on participating in group therapy need to make a sincere effort in therapy. Participants must be willing to have patience, persistence, and courage. Often times it may take years for an individual to feel ready to terminate group therapy.

Individual psychotherapy is another treatment option for codependent individuals. When more recovery time is needed than the time available in-group counseling. Intense individual psychotherapy may be needed. Individual psychotherapy might also be a better option for individuals that are not comfortable speaking about personal issues in a group setting. In addition, individuals combating issues outside of codependency may benefit the most from individual psychotherapy. Unfortunately individual psychotherapy is the most expensive treatment alternative; therefore it would not be a plausible option for many people.

During the recovery process, some common road blocks do exist. Just being aware of these blocks makes it easier to recognize them when they come up in recovery. Many recovering codependents fear the unknown. Some additional road blocks are:

· Skipping therapy sessions

· Lacking knowledge about the recovery process

· Fearing criticism

· Battling low self esteem

· Having difficulty trusting

· Experiencing difficulty with commitment

· Placing blame on others

· Lacking appropriate finances for therapy

Many professionals recommend reviewing the common blocks in recovery when an individual begins to sway from therapy.

The definition of codependency is broad and unclear. Professionals still disagree on whether or not codependency is an illness, a phenomenon, a psychological construct, a personality trait, and addiction, or a disease. Identifying codependent individuals is not an easy task. Codependency emerges through various personality rules. It can be viewed as an illness with both psychological and physical symptoms. The treatment options for codependents individuals are usually long term and the success of these programs is not clearly determined. Codependency is treatable, and with appropriate treatment there is hope for individuals that are struggling with this disorder.

References:

Beattie, M. (1992). Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself, Center City, MN: Hazelden Educational Materials.

Bommersbach, M. Cowan G. & Curtis, S. R. (1995). Codependency, loss of Self, and Power. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 19, 221-236.

Cermak T. (1986). Diagnosing and Treating Co-Dependence: A Guide for Professionals Who Work With Chemical Dependents, Their Spouses and Children. Minneapolis, MN: Johnson Institute-OVS, Inc.

Cruse, J. & Wegscheider- Cruse, S. (1990). Understanding Codependency. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications Inc.

Finkly, D. (1992. January). The gospel of the ’90’ s. Redbook pp.48-51.

Martin, A.L. & Piazza, N.J. (1995). Codependency In Women: Personality Disorder or Popular Descriptive Term? Journal Of Mental Health Counselling 17(4) 428 440.

Mendenhall W: course on codependence. Rutgers Summer School of Alcohol Studies, New Brunswick, NJ, June 1987-present.

Messner, B, (1996). Sizing Up Codependency Recovery. Western. Journal of Communications, 60(2), 101-123.

Wilson-Schael, A. (1986). Codependence: Misunderstood. San Francisco, CA: Harper & Row

Whitfield, C.L. (1991). Co-dependence: Healing the Human Condition. Deerfield Blech, FL

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